Fickle... or got issues?

I've always been suspicious about certain types of people, one type is the type where they tell you everything there is to know about them within the first conversation including any health issues, relationship issues, who they hate, love, who's a prick, what boyfriend did what, what girlfriend did what, etc. I just don't think it's right. Perhaps that's just because I'm very sheltered in what I tell people and what I say around others, very wary. Not paranoid, but I only fully trust myself and to me there's no such thing as a shared secret. I will never tell anyone anything without expecting someone else to find out, and this is probably another reason why I don't get too much hassle and in a million confrontations a week. I also don't blow up over tiny things and force my opinions down others throats, usually I keep it to myself if anything :/ I just don't think people who literally verbally throw up their entire life are right, why do I need to know so much about you? Why are you overwhelming me with the gorey, irrelevant and frankly weird details of your life? You have only just met me.

I understand some people feel they can trust me and that's fine, I never repeat what I'm told unless prompted to by that person and I pretend to forget secrets as it's not my place to share them with anyone, again unless prompted to by that person. Anyway, I know I'm trustworthy, that is one thing I can say out loud and fully believe, but usually trust comes with knowing someone for a while and talking to them, not from being introduced to someone on a night out and spewing everything on to them. And how unfair? I don't know what can and can't be repeated, i don't have a clue why you're sharing this information and to be honest I just want to go to the bar and avoid you thanks.


A massive annoyance of mine is people who flit from relationship to relationship, and love who their with in less than a month. I mean come on, really? You don't know them, they don't know you, you've just got together and yes everythings sweet and dandy now, but god knows what's going to happen. Either you don't understand love, as I believe it has to develop, or you just fall for people once every other month... which I find ridiculous. A friend of mine was sharing his heartbreak over the girl he loved and cared for, and he really seemed in a badway. I felt bad for him.. then all of a sudden he's with another girl, and in love with her, in less than two months? They've not even been together a month, I mean come on, really?

Another guy I know was telling me how we'd be great together and we should meet up, he's messed me about before and got back with his ex-girlfriend, so I should of known he was a liar, but I actually believed he was sorry and said perhaps we can try being mates and whatever, he still pursued and I was like right well maybe a drink won't hurt, and now he's with a girl who's apparently 'changed' him and made him stop and think wow she's the one, in less than a week. So yeah, I'd love to know what indepth crazy issues that they have, and all people who move on so quickly. Is it a constant string of rebounds? Yes, I know it's not nice when you've broken up with someone and it's lonely and strange, but that doesn't mean that getting on someone else will help, it's like a fire you're just adding to it. I don't like it when I see people doing this day in and day out, it's not normal really.

I'm not saying we should all be swans and mate for life, then never ever get with anyone else, i've been tempted by rebounds but I stop for a second and think no, it's not right dragging someone into the mess my heads in right now, as even if they are willing to be in that strange place, it's not right and i'll feel bad, and they'll feel awful if they develop feelings. Facebook is the prime place for seeing this happening, a couple get together and yeah, it's all well and good thinking they're amazing, but saying you love them in a status update every ten minutes for a week isn't really the way to go. It's actually painful watching peoples relationship statuses, the ones who do this anyway, as you can literally start to predict who they'll get with, when, how quickly they'll 'love' them and then when they'll breakup. It's amusing in a way, but painful more than anything.

I think my relationship status has changed 3 times on facebook, if that? And they were boyfriends who I got with, never put stupid lovey dovey statuses about them and then if we broke up, we broke up. I didn't IMMEDIATELY find a replacement body for them as you've gotta be lacking something to be able to do that so smoothly, without anytime for yourself. After a breakup I call it a 'mourning period'. Even if you didn't like them that much, weren't together long or you instigated the breakup, it still feels shit and I think there's a period time you need to leave it before you even think of getting with someone else, especially if things are in limbo with your previous partner as they sometimes are. I think the absolute minimum is 3 weeks, and even thats pushing it in my opinion. I think it's out of respect and loyalty for me, even when I got cheated on I took a long time for myself without being involved with anyone, as I think people need that time. Helps you clear your head to what you actually want, or what you don't want.

Maybe these people are just fickle, and i'm not going to lie I sometimes feel a bit jealous that they can move so quickly without any bad feeling, but everyone hides things, so I'd hate to see the minefield they've caused in their head. I'd love to not be as deep as I am and be able to get with people willy nilly, but I seem to be too picky and yes, I have slight issues with commitment, but who doesn't? I think throwing your entire being at someone is ridiculous, I think people should have their own lives away from each other and I think that there should be some mystery and excitement regardless of how long you've been together. It's just a shame that some people can't deal with having seperate lies due to jealousy or the need to feel wanted all the time. I don't expect too much from a relationship but I've decided recently I don't need to settle, if somethings not working then leave it as that. I'm not 50 and it's not a marriage, I don't have kids and a mortgage to consider, so if I want to be single and take things as they come, I can do. I have no ties right now, and any ties I make I would like to enjoy, so therefore I will not get with every tom, theresa and harry just because it's accessible.
I'm not waiting for my one true love, but I sure as hell am not going to settle for a flitter. Everyone likes a cuddle, but when it's done all the time it becomes smothering..

Dreams... Do they really have meaning?

I have extremely vivid dreams, sometimes too real. I also have this thing I call sleep hallucinations, it's funny afterwards but I often feel an overwhelming emotion at the time like utter fear, confusion or sadness. Basically I wake up, I'm fully awake but I can see something that's not there, I know this as it's happened when I've been in bed with boyfriends before, never friends for some reason, I guess it will happen at some point. Anyway, so I see something that's there to me but no one else, and react to it, from it being something on the wall that I'm convinced is going to harm me, to a spider in my bed that I want to safe so I don't squish, I've had all sorts. They've only come about recently, but having that being said I've had weird experiences of seeing things when I was younger so maybe I just didn't comprehend what was going on, who knows.

It doesn't really effect my sleep or leave me exhausted because the occurences are so few and far between, and I've not managed to correlate what mood I am, or whether i'm under pressure or not but saying that i've not tried to. So anyway back to my point, my vivid dreams.
A lot of my dreams reflect something I'm feeling or something i'm afraid of, or something I'm happy about. I guess I can only give you a couple of examples really. I always seem to wake feeling confused or contemplative, and as weird as it sounds some of my dreams have actually helped me figure out what to do about some things, but yeah, they're not always good and merry. Sometimes they terrify me, and it's horrible. Anyway, on to the examples

Shark Dream
I had a dream where I was in a big round cyclindrical room that was metal plated, and my my was stood in a doorway right at the top of the room. My pet dog and sister were in the bottom with me, and out of nowhere the room started filling up with water and I was swimming with my dog and my sister in my arms desperately trying to save them. There was a weird hollowed out cabinet in the wall so I put them in that and closed the sliding metal door to keep them safe, then out of nowhere these three sharks started swimming in the water filled room and I had no way of escape from them. My mum saw this and threw me a short, rather blunt rusty blade to aid me, and I spent the next however long swimming with and decapitating these angry sharks, but not for fear of losing my own life, for fear of my sister and dog not being able to survive if I didn't come back for them. So anyway after me tracking down and killing these sharks with what seemed like an impossible blade, I went to rescue my sister and dog and threw them up to my mum, at which point the water level lowered and I remained stuck in the bottom of this strange room, yet I wasn't scared or upset, I was content as I knew they were safe. I didn't get out of the room before I woke up, nor did I attempt to.

So, that was one which left me rather confused. I was trying to figure out if there was a threat shadowing either my sister or my dog, that I was aware of or suspicious of, but I couldn't find a link between the two. Now, in the dream meaning dictionaries I've read they all say that water can represent overwhelming emotions and your unconcious and sharks can be a representation of unpleasant emotions or difficult, painful material coming up from the unconscious. Another meaning is that sharks can mean you may be an emotional threat to yourself and others, and they can represent anger, hostility and fierceness within yourself. Now all these linked just tell me that I'm dangerous, and with my dream not only do I want people I care about away from the sharks, but also away from me. Another thing I thought is I killed the sharks, stopped them from hurting me or anyone else, but then I stayed there thinking? I don't know anyway, I just know I was confused and dumbfounded, but that's not to say I didn't enjoy it. I told my mum and her reaction was to reflect negatively on herself by saying 'I'm no help, with that rubbish blade' which I thought was strange, because she gave me something to protect myself and others with, no matter how 'rubbish' it looked, it still worked.

Anyway yeah, I've been having an increase in strange dreams recently, the past 4 nights to be precise. I won't write them down as I'd like to ponder on them a while first, I had a rather strange one i've shared with a few people at the moment, and they just looked shocked and confused, haha. It was involving a threat to my pet tarantulas and python, which I understand not many people understand how I can care and be so involved with them, but you know, I am.

I've been told by several people that dreams mean nothing, but I don't see it that way. I think some dreams mean nothing, yes. Like when I had a dream I just went for a walk around town, that didn't have any moral substance or any indepth hidden meaning (or maybe it did, haha) but then there's dreams where you take a course of action and things happen, things which directly reflect to your waking life. I don't think that people should get too hung up but I do believe that dreams are a way of your subconscious helping you to deal with and tackle difficult elements in your life, and sometimes the only time you will listen to something is when you're not listening at all. We can all be ignorant and oblivious, it's natural to be so. So perhaps it's a way for your sleeping mind to say 'hey, this needs a bit of thought' without you having to spend sleepless nights and distracted days worrying over something.

I personally enjoy my dreams, whether they leave me scared, confused or just a bit contemplative, i'd miss them if they were gone. They fill up my nights with excitement that I've not necessarily got time for in the day, and I thank my mind for helping me (sometimes).

I would find it interesting to get my dreams analysed but at the same time I think people can delve much much too deeply into things and spoil them, and I enjoy the element of mystery, it's like having to solve a puzzle in a game, except you don't have to and won't die if you don't figure it out.
So, I wonder what I'll experience tonight? :)

If you've got the money, honey...

Again, i've been doing my typical observing and pondering on things. Mainly relationships that are based on completely superficial or material things.
I could never be with someone purely for the way they look or because they buy me things or spend a lot of money to show me how they care, because in my opinion that's not an accurate way of showing your affection. Yes, it is nice to get flowers or a teddy off someone you care for, it's kind of like a memento of them, constant reminder, which can be a good or bad thing, but it's also nice because everytime you look at it you will think of them. Obviously this isn't excellent if you have a bad breakup with someone or whatever, but i'm talking when you're with someone at the moment.

I personally think it's better to show your affection by getting to know someone and doing something thoughtful and special to them, like making them a birthday card with a pikachu on it (which a very good friend of mine did for me, thankyouuuu) because you know they like pokemon, or making them a compilation CD of their favourite songs, just... things that require some thought and care into them, and of course you need to know someone more than their hair colour and bra size.

Anyway, I was in a situation a while ago when someone who I went out with in high school met up with me out of the blue and told me he had strong feelings for me and that he would kick himself if we didn't try again. So, we spent time together, kissed and were coupley and generally were together... then I found out he had a girlfriend. From his friend. I blew up at him and refused to do anything with him, he kept telling me he'd leave her and break up with her, I basically ended up telling him to stay out of my life, for a long time. Anyway, one of his friends said something to me which I did not like at all.

"You really think he's going to leave her for you? Yeah, he has strong feelings for you but she cooks for him and buys him anything he wants out of the blue, she pays for everything for him, he's got it too good to walk away from it".

Now THAT hurt.. A lot. The fact that someone would pick materialistic reasons over their actual feelings was a concept I could not understand at all, I just didn't get it. And I was reminded of this recently, as I understand that some people like to shower their beloved with gifts and I know some girls love this, but all the time, with that being the only reason you're with them? I don't think you're right in the head personally. I had another reminder recently as I asked someone if their friend would ever leave their girlfriend or argue with her, and he replied "why would he? he's got it too good. She's rich."

Now I understand again financial security is a nice thing to have and it's good to be able to get buy and have a bit of money to play with but again, the sole reason for being with someone is money? It must be a very lonely life for some people. I would never be with someone for their money, not even if I did like them as well. That is NOT a factor that determines whether or not I like someone, I base my feelings on whether we connect, are compatible, have a similar sense of humour, enjoy similar things and most of all enjoy each others company. At the end of it all, when money runs out, and when peoples good looks fade, there's going to be nothing holding you together, you'll just be sat there staring at a person you don't know wondering what the hell you've wasted your life doing with this person. By that point it'll be too late to change it as well, comfort zone will have kicked in and you won't want to be lonely even though that's the life you'd be choosing if you pick superficial, material relationships.

I don't think every relationship needs to be serious and have more meaning than a shakespearian sonnet, but I think it's important to like someone for them not what car they drive, or what brands of clothing they wear.

"A kiss on the hand can be quite continental, but Diamonds are a girls best friend..."

I understand that material things last longer than some relationships and I suppose some people who are predators and out for what they can get do well for themselves, you can't say a gold digger doesn't have a luscious lifestyle when she hooks up to an old dude, but is it really worth it to be shacked up to Granpa Goldbags when you could be in the arms of someone who you love and who loves you for you? I'd pick love over money anyday, and I'm not even a keen believer or pursuer of love, so that's saying something really isn't it?

I do get jealous when I see a happy couple, i'm not going to lie, I wish I could be as content with another person as they are, and regardless of the cracks that can be in some peoples relationships, they are there, snuggling up and kissing one another as if they don't have a care in the world, and those are the moments money can't buy. Like the moment when you've expressed how you feel towards someone and you're lay there in their arms, feeling completely whole like nothing in the world can bring you down. These are the moments that you'll remember when the cash flow grows low and the gold loses its once so appealing shine.

Now, aside from gold diggers and the people who marry into money for whatever reasons they claim to have, i've been seeing it a lot amongst people my age and younger. Why the hell do you want to spend your 'carefree' years pursuing 'love' for a material cause? I think you need your head testing. You shouldn't be worrying about someones credit rating and bank account at 18 years of age, you should be worrying about whether you like them and wish to spend time with them.

I can't say I don't appreciate a little something now and again, and I like to give gifts, like with my recent ex-boyfriend (we recently ended) we had a fight and I bought him the aftershave he wears because I knew he'd ran out, wanted to apologise and like the smell of it :) He bought me a teddy for my birthday and I like it a lot, I still cuddle it even though we're not together and will continue to do so as I like the gesture. That being said, I don't expect to go out to the cinema and have everything paid for. Me and my ex actually had a fight as to who would pay last time we went, it was quite comical, but it was because we both wanted to pay. There's also an idea called HALFING the bill. I'd like to pay now and again, and they can, or we half it, it's called give and take. I couldn't be with someone who'd pay for everything and buy me things all the time as I don't believe that's right and I'd feel like I constantly owed them something, even if they didn't make me feel that way. I naturally give more than I take, which can sometimes lead users to me, but at the same time i'm not stupid and i'm not going to be taken for a fool by someone who wants to be dating money.

Just a few things to think about, Money can't buy you love (Thankyou, The Beatles) and you can't have amazing sex with money, yes, you can buy a whore, but it's not going to be fuelled with the passion and desire that comes from real feelings like lust and love.
I think the pursuit of materialistic relations is a slippery slope and you'll be left high and dry one day with nothing to show for it except a rusty peice of jewellry or a handful of cinema stubs that you didn't pay for.

Wake up and look at the bigger picture - it's actually much prettier than you might first think :)

Being Jealous or being Cautious?

So, i'm starting to wonder about people who are 'jealous' around their partners. Firstly, from a completely superficial point of view it's easy to think what the hell, I don't understand why you're kicking off? But when you dig deeper it's easy to realise that there's reasons for these feelings, be it someones own insecurity (which is always a bummer for their partner) or because of how their partner is.

Now, cheating is completely different to flirting, and where as flirting may not be a nice thing to witness or hear of, it's not that bad really, is it? I'd rather hear that someone I was with was flirting with someone else at a party, than they actually thought bugger this, went the whole hog and slept with them, kinda thing. Anyway, I wouldn't call myself a jealous person at all, as I'm not. I won't go off on one for no good reason and even if I sometimes get a bit 'hmm' towards a situation, I won't go and cause a scene because most of the time it's because you think someones treading on your territory, which isn't nice but most of the time it's not justified and you're just going to make yourself look stupid when you cause a big scene in front of people, or even when it's just you two.

The problem with being laid back towards things is when you feel the need to say something or even kick off, you get called jealous and ridiculous, and you're stood there feeling stupid thinking do you know just how many people would of busted your balls about a month ago for this? Give me a fucking break. So, back to the point, there are many reasons for people's jealousy, as i've experienced anyway. The most possesive boyfriend I ever had slept with my best mate behind my back and i'm pretty sure he had a fling with a girl at his college, so his jealous, possesive nature was due to him judging me by his own actions and standards. He thought it was easy enough for him to do it, so I was more than likely doing it too. Power played a big part in that too, deciding who I spoke to and other such things, and even pettier, knowing he had the power to cheat and I didn't. Anyway, then there's the insecure reason, where they attack anyone who even comes near their partner because they're scared their partner will run off with the other person purely because they feel inadequate in comparison, which is silly.
If someone decides to be in a relationship with you, then clearly they want to be with you, right? And if they cheat then it's more fool them because they get that bad press and look stupid and you can just kick their ass to the curb faster than they can say 'Sorry, I slipped..'

Now, I would say I have my insecurities, and I've occasionally shared them with my close friend, or even a partner if they asked but I don't let them control my life, in the sense that if another female is prettier than me or slimmer, which isn't unheard of, then I won't immediately attack them and go all bitch-mode on their ass. More than likely I'll compliment them or be upfront and like 'god, you're gorgeous. bitch ¬.¬' but playfully. Unless they're conceited, then they can go suck a fuck. (Exactly how does one suck a fuck?)

However, that being said, I don't think it's appropriate for my partner to tell me how hot other people are, even if it is a beautiful nude model with a perfect body and face that majority of people find aesthetically pleasing. I understand she's beautiful, I can see that. I know she has small but firm boobs, a perfect ass and a face that oozes sex appeal, but I don't need you to tell me this at every given oppurtunity because you should at least be saying these nice things to me once in a while, if not more. I don't expect to be showered with compliments but it'd be nice to know you find me attractive too, you know? It's as if you're asking for me to be jealous and have a problem with it, like on the surface you're glad I don't have a problem, but deep down you want me to, so you push and push and push, until you have me so backed into a corner that I will actually turn around and maul the living shit out of you in a matter of seconds.

Just because I'm not naturally jealous, doesn't mean it can't happen you know? I'm only human, I get the red mist too, I feel threatened too and I'm not 100% secure with my body and appearance so it'd be nice if you perhaps boosted my ego, than that of a star you're never going to meet who's ego is probably the size of the USA by now. Anyway, a little defensive there, I realise this, but i'm pretty close to that corner, ya know?

Moving on, Jealousy is healthy, in small amounts, it's good to show you care every now and again by playfully showing that the other person is yours, or you're together. That's fine. I don't think people should let it rule them either, because it's a parasite. It feeds itself when you're not looking and then all of a sudden you're jealous and it won't go away. Honesty is always best, but when you word it right. Confrontation isn't the best way I've found, saying it in a calm and sometimes playful manner can be best, even if it seems to be something serious in your eyes, if you're completely honest you'll get an honest reply, and if not you'll be able to tell if they're lying. Bingo :)

It's good to show a bit of jealousy, like it's good to show a bit of passion and even sometimes anger when you're with someone romantically but I don't for a second believe that you should ever, ever push someone into an emotion, by winding them up or saying things that can possibly make them feel a bit less than excellent. Compliments are nice in moderation and it's nice to feel like the person you're with is attracted to you, and not some celebrity model that's a lightyear or two away from reality. I just don't see why fantasising over someone else is so important, do you not care for what's in front of you and that persons feelings?

Not to mention, they can make ANYONE beautiful these days, here's a great example.

As a sidenote, that tutorial there actually made me feel physically sick and generally horrified as it's ridiculous how many tweaks and turns people use. Are real people ever depicted in the media nowadays? But that's a rant for another day ;)

Spiders... Irrational fear?

So, spiders are scary, right? Wrong. Well, in my opinion anyway. I can understand some people fear different things, heights, clowns, balloons, fish, snakes, sharks.. ducks? haha. Anyway yeah, These are usually phobia's and the definition of phobia is an irrational or extreme fear of something. Now irrational is what I want to focus on here. That's one of mine to the right by the way, Jiggy my Costa Rican Zebra Tarantula. Normally a skittish, quick moving species but Jiggy will stay relatively still if you give her a stroke. Which is nice, don't you think?

Anyway, too often people tell me they hate spiders, hate snakes, why don't you get a dog? well, why should I? I have a dog, for the record. She just lives with my parents. Anyway, I don't particularly want to seem cool that I have 'strange' pets, I genuinely think they're amazing. You feed a dog, it wolfs down it's meal, slobbers and then goes to chase it's tail for an hour, which some people find adorable, and I find it quite amusing.
But if you ever take the time to watch a tarantula eat, it's amazing. It really is. They stay still (most of the time, although on occasion one of mine CHASES her food, comical) and wait for the cricket to come close enough and then BAM they've got it. Then they rearrange it so it's comfortable to eat, and stand on their tip toes and proceed to do the 'happy spider dance' which is basically where they wiggle about spreading web or sometimes just for the sake of it. They then stand there and eat, slowly, savouring every last bit. Even for someone who fears spiders it would be an amazing thing to watch, same as when they moult. It is an amazing process, and it's all these little things that make them interesting and beautiful.

You're not going to find a dog that's purple or blue and silver naturally, are you? You can with spiders. And believe me, even ones that look plain are interesting looking. If you ever look closely at Jiggy you can see each individual colouration on her legs and body, the fact she's black, with orange hairs and white stripes is pretty impressive to me. Most people think EWW BLACK HAIRY SPIDER, and that's fair enough. I'm pretty scared of Jellyfish, but not for the same reasons as most are scared of spiders. I had a horrible experience with a jellyfish when I was little, where I got a long tentacle flicked on me, and it stung me around the top of my shoulder and down my back, and this was only in wales... it hurt LIKE A BITCH. Seriously, and the other reason is because jellyfish are blind, and they just go with the flow of the ocean. Well, they don't actually. Everytime i'm sploshing about in the ocean, and there's a jellyfish it always turns direction and poofs its water out to get closer to me, I know it does. I've watched them do it. The oceans their territory, so I quietly leave. But yeah, I don't like them. But I've given them a chance since I got badly stung and they just still keep coming towards me. So i'm a bit scared of them, but i've encountered them and can easily avoid them. I just don't go into the ocean if they're about, simple. They're not going to stroll through my house causing trouble, so it's fair enough.

Anyway, some of the reasons I hear for spiders is ridiculous. Now, I know they're not fluffy and affectionate and cuddly like a puppy is, and they're not as obvious with their temperament as a cat is, but I can tell their moods. Plenty of times I've said no I can't get her out she's not in the mood, they make it pretty clear when they don't want to be handled, which is half and half. Obviously different species have different tempers but you know, you can tell when you're used to them.

I don't know why i'm writing this really, I just am of the opinion that you should give something a chance before you hate it and fear it. Fear is based on ignorance usually, so if you broaden your knowledge of something then you're more likely to feel more comfortable knowing it exists. For example, do you know that when you get an increased amount of house spiders in your house, they're looking for a mate and are usually disorientated, male and have been through hardships? I'm not trying to get you to sympathise, but I don't think you should just kill them because they've walked in the house, remove it gently. After all, they've been around before we built all our houses and buildings, so technically we're in their way.
Being a lover of spiders, I've always allowed spiders to be in my room and I can tell you I never get flies, ever. Which i'm glad, because I cannot stand their disgusting habits.

Anyway, I had a friend who was TERRIFIED of my python, and I encouraged her to just allow her to come over and introduce herself as such, she did and seconds later she had her around her neck and was stroking her, Because she knew she wouldn't harm her. More to the point, I would never put my python or tarantula near someone if I believed either of them could get hurt, that's why I'm very strict about any handling, because as much as you think you might get hurt, I know you won't and if you freak out about it then the animal could end up getting hurt. If you drop a tarantula from a certain height thats it, they're done for. I had a horrible dream that happened to one of mine actually, it was a very sad time for me. Haha :)

Anyway yeah. I think my point is, learn a bit about things that terrify you, you might be nicely surprised at what you find out. Everything can be beautiful, if you give it a chance. As a side note, I really want a Solifugae (Camel Spider, Sun Scorpion). They get such bad press and are strangely cute, and BY THE WAY, they can only bite you, no venom :) Ahh, maybe I'm just more open minded to these creatures eh ;)

Anyway, I have to dash, I have a pizza in the oven and an escaped bearded dragon walking across my room...

Instead of a rant...

I feel exactly like this right now.
No more needs saying.
If I could puff up to express myself I really would, believe it.

Also, this is one of my favourite pictures right now. Because it's just so epic.

I'm Gay, No Straight, wait... am I?

Sexuality. Isn't it fun? Well, if you can decide on one, yes. I don't understand it half the time. To me, people are people and if you are attracted to someone and they feel the same, I don't think anything should matter, especially not something like gender. Yes, it seems a bit strange to say, but why does it matter? As long as it's not directly affecting them, then why is it another persons business?

To me asking someone their sexuality is pretty stupid. I've asked people myself for my own curiousity to save embarrassing myself, as I have in turn hit on a gay man, and a straight girl and felt a bit silly. They laughed it off, so did I, while nursing a bit of a bruise to my pride, but still, I wasn't asking because it's a need-to-know thing. I was asking because I was interested, or my friend was. Whatever, digression, my first and best talent. Back to the point, I don't get why other people's sexuality should matter as much as it seems to. Granted, majority of people don't care whether your gay, straight, bisexual or like to fondle rabbits, as long as it's not their little sisters bunny Thumper. But to the ones it does matter to, why?

If I choose to sleep with girls or boys, why do you care? I don't care what, or should I say who you do, so why are you going to be up in my face about it? I'm not sleeping with you, or your mother, so back off. Anyway, defensiveness aside, I don't know what I am. If labelling is so important, then you'd have to cast me aside.

I would famously quote Morrisey and just say 'I am Sexual'. Because I am, Sexual attraction happens at the strangest of moments, sometimes it builds up and that can be fun, but it can also hit you like a punch in the face and you're like wow... i'm attracted to you. A lot. So yeah, it's a bit of a difficult one. I never really had any real experiences with girls until one night a girl followed me to bed, and not in a bad way. We talked, chilled out, she kissed me... uh oh. I was like wow... this feels right but.. you're female? Up until this point i'd never really done anything 'gay'. So it was a bit of a shock to my system, but certainly not a bad one and I can honestly say she's one of the people in my life I've cared about the most. She's always going to be special to me, more special than my first time with a boy. Which may seem mean, but it's true.

Anyway, So yes, I've had experiences with girls since then, I've also had experiences with guys. Bisexual, I guess. But I don't like that word, it has bad connotations to it. Such as being greedy, and having your cake and eating it too (a saying i've never understood, why have cake if you're not going to eat it? Dumbass) and 'bisexual' just generally gets bad press. I'd like to ask the people who say this though, have you ever had an experience which has made you question your sexuality? Have you ever considered the idea that perhaps people are attracted to people, and not gender? I know there are genuinely straight and gay people out there, but there are also the inbetween ones, and I don't think you should get slated just for your sexuality because again, what has it got to do with ANYONE other than yourself? Nothing. Nada.

I have a friend who was straight, had heterosexual relationships, she's a girl, she met another girl, they fell in love. Still together to this day. Realistically, I don't think you can comment on how someone else is without being in their situation or at least trying to empathise to a degree. I am open minded in how I think and how I treat people, i'm also rather accomadating, which isn't always a good thing for me, but you know. I don't give a flying dutchman whether you're dating a girl, sleeping with a boy, or dabbling in both pools of gender, as long as you're happy, not harming anyone and the person you're seeing is happy too. Love is a weird thing, It happens unexpectedly and it's not reserved for heterosexuality. In my experience I've found gay couples, mainly lesbian couples, have a stronger bond and last longer than the heterosexual swing-dating routine they seem to be in, but saying that I don't mean it's not or cannot be the other way round either.

But yes, Bisexual. It just means partial to ladies and gentlemen. It doesn't mean greedy, Slut or anything bad. Just like gay doesn't mean puff or dyke, and Straight doesn't mean breeder. Just stop thinking about sex and sexuality and start thinking about person and personality.