So I feel a bit rubbish and decided I would vent. I also find it quite amusing that I only ever seem to write a blog when I am in a less than brilliant mood. Typical female, eh? No, not really. I just think it's more important to get bad moods off your chest than to rub good moods all over peoples faces, somehow I feel thats a bit mean.
I've been watching Bleach, not far into it but I enjoy it. Good Anime so far :) I like the Hollows in it, they're good, very mean but still semi-rational... Anyway, I digress. I think that's my most used phrase on blogs. 'I digress' I say it all the time. I just don't seem to be a big fan of linear thinking, or speaking.. or acting. Or linear anything for that matter.
So, i've been thinking about me. Yes, how selfish? But I have. I've been trying to figure out what I want from certain situations.. Like my relationship, University, etc. I really don't know. I am completely ambiguous when it comes to thinking about things that need a solid decision. One minute I want to be single, the next I don't. I've been mainly thinking about all the components I have, that make me myself I guess.
I'm stubborn when I get into certain moods, and I know i'm doing it, yet I continue.. Why? I don't know. I haven't got a single clue as to why. I just feel very 'why should I' about everything and I think no, i don't want to talk so I won't. I don't want to sort things out because it's not me who needs to apologise. Anyway, I don't know why. I also am very lazy when it comes to dealing with hassle, mainly in relationships. If one option poses less hassle I'll usually go with it. Like if breaking up is more hassle than staying together, regardless of what I actually want to do, i'll stay with them. There's probably other reasons, I don't know them. I know what they're not though. I don't NEED to be with someone, I also don't feel the need to always be someones girlfriend or to feel wanted, I think I gave up on that kind of stuff a long time ago. I also don't crave love, and I don't want it really. Some have told me this is because I'm scared of it, but i'm not. I don't think I am anyway, I'd just rather not become an extension of someone for a long time into the foreseeable future. I don't see anything wrong with that. Some people adore being in love and want to be with someone and theres fireworks, fluffy kittens and all round good feelings... but that's not for me thanks.
I don't even know why i'm writing this anymore, I seem to have lost the point and the spark. I'm recently getting very annoyed with people telling me who I am, and what I'm like. ESPECIALLY when they really, really, really don't know me. They somehow believe that they know me incredibly well, and that they know the ins and outs of me. Hence the analysing of my moods, calling me Bi Polar, saying I push people away from me who care, and all this rubbish. I just don't see why everyones an expert on other people. I do know you can be better at dealing with other peoples problems than your own, but thats most people. It's easier to make snap decisions about things when it's not directly affecting you, or your partner, or your friends. It's the same thing as making two insects fight, it's very easy to do as it's not affecting you, just something for you to observe.
I just hate it when people are really sure they know you, and they don't believe that you just can have days when you feel a bit meh, a bit grey, just generally a bit rubbish. It's highs and lows of being a functional human being. I'm not going to lie, I do sometimes brush things off when there is a bit more to it, but if I do that it's because I don't want to tell a certain person, or I don't think it's worth whining on about, or I just generally don't want to talk about me. I know that seems a little odd considering I've written a blog post about me, but you know. I find it easier to talk to no one, than to talk to one person, because I don't like talking to people. It's just me. I don't trust people enough to open up, because people ALWAYS tell other people. They can never for the life of them keep their mouth shut, even if it comes to the point where they tell their distant friend who doesn't know you, they'll still tell someone else. And excuse me, but I like my private life, private.
Another thing which winds me up beyond belief, is when your friend has to tell their boyfriend or girlfriend everything. You tell them something in complete confidence and you can bet a month's wages that they'll tell their partner. I've had experience with it a lot, but it's not a point worth raising because they'll still do it. I've found out once before because I told my best friend of the time something imtimate to me and my boyfriend of the time, she told her boyfriend and he decided it'd be funny to make a joke about it, which resulted in him nearly getting himself battered as well as me getting an earful. He wasn't fussed that I told my friend but he was under the impression I also told him ¬.¬
Another one is I was talking about stuff happening with my family, things weren't too smooth. Then her boyfriend, who I'm not going to lie, I do not like, popped up on facebook chat starting a discussion about it. Yeah, thanks, Because that's what I need isn't it. Some fool who knows nothing about anything popping up to console me in this desperate time of need. He only did it to get gossip, he's one of those, and he is desperate to know everything about everyone at all times. Anyway, I'm going too into detail, this isn't a place for me to share what irritates me on a personal level with my peers, so for that I apologise.
Anyway, I'm just venting as per. I don't expect this to be read, it's not my most articulate of blogs and certainly not one filled with substance or meaning.
And on that note, i'm going to watch more Bleach...
I just hate it when people are really sure they know you, and they don't believe that you just can have days when you feel a bit meh, a bit grey, just generally a bit rubbish. It's highs and lows of being a functional human being. I'm not going to lie, I do sometimes brush things off when there is a bit more to it, but if I do that it's because I don't want to tell a certain person, or I don't think it's worth whining on about, or I just generally don't want to talk about me. I know that seems a little odd considering I've written a blog post about me, but you know. I find it easier to talk to no one, than to talk to one person, because I don't like talking to people. It's just me. I don't trust people enough to open up, because people ALWAYS tell other people. They can never for the life of them keep their mouth shut, even if it comes to the point where they tell their distant friend who doesn't know you, they'll still tell someone else. And excuse me, but I like my private life, private.
Another thing which winds me up beyond belief, is when your friend has to tell their boyfriend or girlfriend everything. You tell them something in complete confidence and you can bet a month's wages that they'll tell their partner. I've had experience with it a lot, but it's not a point worth raising because they'll still do it. I've found out once before because I told my best friend of the time something imtimate to me and my boyfriend of the time, she told her boyfriend and he decided it'd be funny to make a joke about it, which resulted in him nearly getting himself battered as well as me getting an earful. He wasn't fussed that I told my friend but he was under the impression I also told him ¬.¬
Another one is I was talking about stuff happening with my family, things weren't too smooth. Then her boyfriend, who I'm not going to lie, I do not like, popped up on facebook chat starting a discussion about it. Yeah, thanks, Because that's what I need isn't it. Some fool who knows nothing about anything popping up to console me in this desperate time of need. He only did it to get gossip, he's one of those, and he is desperate to know everything about everyone at all times. Anyway, I'm going too into detail, this isn't a place for me to share what irritates me on a personal level with my peers, so for that I apologise.
Anyway, I'm just venting as per. I don't expect this to be read, it's not my most articulate of blogs and certainly not one filled with substance or meaning.
And on that note, i'm going to watch more Bleach...
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